Monday, February 13, 2006
More Exam Anxiety
I am feeling really, ridiculously anxious about my exam on Wednesday.
The hubster has told me repeatedly that I know this area inside-out, backwards-forwards, upside-down and right-side up, and that I could have written it five years ago and kicked ass. So why the anxiety? Why this feeling that no matter what I do, the outcome will be shit?
I think it's partially because I thought I did really well on my last exam but the markers seemed to think otherwise. I also think it's classic exam anxiety over how unfair a huge cumulative exam seems. I know more about Victorian lit and culture than anyone I know, except my supervisor, but if I just have a bad day, or crack during the writing, or get confused or don't sleep well, I come out looking like shit.
Maybe it's to my advantage that I have this nasty infected left hand. Maybe if I go into the exam with a sling (which I have to anyway, as I can't keep my hand below my heart or it throbs horribly) they'll pity me and be sympathetic if I write a pile of shit.
Oh for the days when I could spit on paper, throw a comb over it and get an A-. Doctoral studies are harder, if only because my own expectations of my performance have changed.
The hubster has told me repeatedly that I know this area inside-out, backwards-forwards, upside-down and right-side up, and that I could have written it five years ago and kicked ass. So why the anxiety? Why this feeling that no matter what I do, the outcome will be shit?
I think it's partially because I thought I did really well on my last exam but the markers seemed to think otherwise. I also think it's classic exam anxiety over how unfair a huge cumulative exam seems. I know more about Victorian lit and culture than anyone I know, except my supervisor, but if I just have a bad day, or crack during the writing, or get confused or don't sleep well, I come out looking like shit.
Maybe it's to my advantage that I have this nasty infected left hand. Maybe if I go into the exam with a sling (which I have to anyway, as I can't keep my hand below my heart or it throbs horribly) they'll pity me and be sympathetic if I write a pile of shit.
Oh for the days when I could spit on paper, throw a comb over it and get an A-. Doctoral studies are harder, if only because my own expectations of my performance have changed.
doctor T 7:49 p.m.
1 Comments:
Thanks for the good thoughts. I need them right now.
Link away! I have already linked to yours. :)
Link away! I have already linked to yours. :)
