Monday, October 02, 2006
I know I shouldn't feel pissy. I've done a lot in the past year: written two conference papers and delivered them at two respected conference in my field; worked a few RA/TA jobs; had my poetry published, and invited to read my poetry at a fundraiser; been nominated for a major university research award; and passed all my various candidacy exams. But my past week of dissertation-related uselessness means I'm finding ways to criticize myself, and the fucking SSHRC competition is always there, peeking its stupid little money-giving head at me. Fuckity fuck fuck. I'm afraid the new PhD students will outshine me. Why do I let my insecurities run amok?
I'm trying to clean up the house right now. Hopefully a happy environment and tidy desk space will help me get on the road to work so I can forget about all these self-defeating jealous feelings my brain keeps cranking out.
I understand so much.